Well, I thought this day would never come. Finally it is Friday, the end of this terribly tormented work week. Who knew I would feel so vapid, having not seen M for a full week? Interestingly, this affair that I'm having with my own brain seems to be unrelentingly capricious. Last weekend, I was fraught with indifference, attempting to disguise my disappointment over yet another failed outing with M, and I had submitted myself to the very real possibility of things going no further than they stand currently. Two days after that, I was once again brimming with hope, simply (and ironically) because of his absence from work. These past two days, I've been contemplating my perception-sanity; I've been hallucinating his smell all around me -- of course at times when I've finally put him out of my head, just the slightest hint of his odor wafts by me, and for a split second, when the right hemisphere of my brain has yet to communicate with the left hemisphere, I believe that I will turn around and see him walking toward me.
A week does not seem like a very long time, but ask a parched man who has been walking the desert for a week how long it seemed to him. Today I found myself in disbelief that any of these transgressions I've been reflecting upon ever even ocurred. Maybe I hallucinated the entire thing. Maybe M doesn't even exist. Pouf! He's gone forever, never to return. Part of me thinks this a distinct probability. That's likely due to my defensive mechanism kicking in -- realistically speaking, M will return to work next week, and we will shortly be caught up in the throes of passion once more. Defensively, I'm still toughening up (downplaying my fixation with M) for the likelihood that he "talked it over" with his spouse of 17 years, mother of two, and decided against this entire thing.
This upcoming weekend will be a busy one. Thankfully, there will be many other audiences demanding of my energy. Maybe then, the wait until Tuesday -- the next time I get to see M -- won't be so agonizing. Then again, maybe it will be just as agonizing, only I won't get to blog about it to release that tension!
Here's to a relaxing Memorial Day Weekend. Enjoy it while it's here.
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About Me
- anonym
- Struggling with a secret life. Sexually charged. Still madly in love with my husband. Have wandering eye (and hands, and lips and torso and groin). Passionate about living life to the fullest extent possible, all the way to the end.
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Key Players
- H = significant other
- M = Man at work (my 1st illicit)
- B = fun Buddy
- S = Mr. Smooth
- B.E. = BeautyEyes
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2 comments:
I just discovered your blog...a very interesting read. I have thought, very seriously, about blogging about my previous affair, and my budding one, but have always been too concerned about someone figuring out who I am...though the odds are slim, I still am nervous about it.
I will be reading on a regular basis, and pondering my own future as an adultery blogger...
I too am still quite nervous about someone discovering who I am. As I slowly expose the inner bits of this life I'm leading, I know that if someone who knows me, with enough swiftness, were to put all the clues together, I'd be made. But in all honesty, the risk is worth all the analysis and reflection that I'm getting out of this. Welcome to this little corner of the wide wide world out there. Hope you enjoy it, and hope you stay a while...
~A
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