Dreams & Morals

I took a nap today after work. I was super exhausted and ended up sleeping a bit longer than I had intended -- long enough to have a rather freaky dream. H & I were throwing some sort of BBQ backyard party. There were enough people there to occupy our time away from one another. The doorbell rings and I answer the door to find M standing there with a huge smile on his face. I'm happy to see him, as I really thought I'd never see him ever again, but I'm also alarmed that he would dare to come to my house. He's carrying something behind his back -- I can't see what it is. I try to shoo him away, but he nudges past me, into the entryway of our home. He wants to be there at the party. He wants to meet my H. He says "It's alright. Look I brought something for us -- ". Then suddenly I feel cold wetness on my head as he places a wide-brimmed straw hat on each of our heads. Only, they're filled with kerosene, and he lights them both up. We walk into the backyard with burning hats upon our heads, and I must introduce H to M, as this man I used to work with. Then the dream shifts to another time, same place though. The party must be over, and I see M sitting in his car across the street from the house. Once again, I thought he was long gone. I sneak away from the house, knowing that H is still entertaining some friends inside. M tries to slink down into his seat, obviously talking on the phone with someone. I walk over to confront him and ask why he has come over to my home. He then hands me the phone and I'm speaking with another one of his lovers. She knows about me and we hit it off pretty well over the phone. She reveals to me how involved she and M are and tells me of the emotional strife they are going through, dealing with the affair, hiding it from his wife and dealing with the possibility that they are falling in love. She makes a few comments that hint at jealousy toward me. I feel pity for her. I feel superior to her, at her inability to stay nonchalant with M, at her weakness for falling for him. Then I walk to the corner and throw away the hats and other bits of "evidence" that I've accumulated that speak toward my infidelity. I come back to the car, and M & I are then sitting on a cold stone wall. We do kiss, but there is no spark -- in fact his lips are dry, cold and cracked. I'm left with the feeling that I'm positive it's over between us. The dream shifts again and H is in a full-on effort to uncover something. Someone gave him an anonymous tip. All of our friends are helping him dig up proof that someone has done something to him. They are dumping the trashcans, searching for something. I feel a twinge of fear that they will find what I have thrown away in the public garbage pail. But I see out of the corner of my eye that the trucks have already come and emptied them. M's presence throughout this stage of my dream is intermittent -- he's there behind me, as a shadow that floats in and out as the sun passes through the windows. One of our friends is now doing e-research, trying to find evidence on my computer. She's quite talented with her computer skills, and I worry that back-logs will reveal my dark secrets. I'm acutely aware of my fears, of losing H forever, and of being "outed" to my friends. I wake up.

Not much need of discussing the dream... it's all pretty damned blatant what's going on in my head.

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Then, I came across this Blogthing:

Your World View

You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion.

What Is Your World View?

This is a very interesting test. I loved the narrative-style analysis, and the simple answers led to such an accurate result! Who can guess which answer was mine?

Crazy. Everything's all a little bit crazy.