Post #100

Well, I thought I should celebrate this post, seeing as it's the 100th one that I'm writing. So, YAY! I haven't fallen off the earth completely, but I have let this blog fall to the wayside for quite some time. The regularity being once or so a month. I'm okay with that. I haven't had much to report on the AAAA side of me anyway, so much of this is basically up to date. That being said, I guess a part of the reason why I'm blogging again is because I have a reason to do so again.

As I mentioned briefly on my last entry, I am in fact traveling soon for the sole purpose of meeting up with BeautyEyes. Some part of me is a bit conflicted about this because it has been so long since I've strayed, so there's that element of change that plays a role in making me feel a bit strange to do so. The other is that similar feeling that I had with B when I went out of my way to meet up with him. As though, the planning part of the cheating takes things to another level of being sinister. It's as if unplanned passion is more excusable.

And yet, the mere hint of memory that has resurfaced while thinking about seeing BeautyEyes again is enough to dazzle me with excitement, like waiting for a present that can't be opened quite yet.

When I heard the eagerness in his voice, it made me so happy that I decided to be so spontaneous. I was very nervous calling him at first, and in fact the very first time I called, he didn't answer his phone. And I didn't leave a message. I decided it wasn't fated. So when my phone rings five mintues later, I was utterly surprised to see his name on the screen. It was a total long shot, last minute thing. I practically expected him to say something like he wasn't going to be in town. I say to him I'm thinking of coming up to his city, and almost immediately, he says "Yes! I think you should do it." That was enough to cement my plans. Not only would I have a place to stay, but the whole reason of going -- to see BeautyEyes, if he wanted to see me -- was just now reinforced. He is in fact still interested.

Amazing. So, once again, I am back on this path. And once again, I'm remembering his thick, wavy hair, his delicate fingers, his soulful lips, I'm remembering his mouth wrapped around my nipple, and his hands wrapped around my waist. I'm remembering how he had my hair in his fist as he deeply kissed me, and how he pulled my body so tight into his. Incredible. Where do these memories get stored when they're not in use? And how is it that I can revisit them so easily? And how did I file away this other life, this other world of secrecy and promiscuity so simply?

My ability to categorize and insulate is sometimes frightening. Something about that seems rather sociopathic. Perhaps it is. Thus, the anonymous blogging. Such is life.

Happy 100 to me!