Knowledge is Power

so they say, right? Well, I feel super dirty with the knowledge I've recently acquired about M. Actually, it's really about M's wife. First of all, today's secret is that I Googled my sexy coworker. In fact, I went beyond just Googling his name -- public record snooping led me to find his address, phone number, middle initial, approximate age, hometown, and (what I feel most dirty about) his wife's name. Throughout all the time that we've been flirting at work, he never actually told me that he was even married -- until I said something. So it's no surprise that he would never mention her name in my presence. But now I know, and now I feel oh so sneaky. I'm so bad. I need to be spanked. What's worse is what subsequent googling turned up...

Without divulging identity markers, I'm going to word this very carefully. Through gifted search terms, I found out that M's wife was arrested last month... for a DWI/DUI. Now all kinds of thoughts are going through my head. Is she an alcoholic? Is she depressed? Is she that irresponsible that she just doesn't know her drinking limits (at her age!)? Their marriage must be shaky... Is that why he's wandering? Or is his wandering causing her alcoholism? etc.

Now how can I live with myself? Damn, not only am I keeping pressing information from H, but now adding on holding secrets about M, from M?! How the hell did I get here? Is this the twilight zone? If information is indeed power, and if power is something to be prized, then seriously, I'm sitting pretty. And now honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation. My google-digging has distracted me from my fantasy world of the unbridled lust and passion with which we're meant to saturate each other, in a hot and sexy after-hours workplace affair. Now my perfect moment of infidelity is tainted with fucking psychology and marriage issues. Why did I have to succumb to my curiosity and such talent for choosing optimal search keys?