Unspoken #6: BiSexuality

I had a stimulating/enlightening conversation with a female, also amorously-commited, friend last night. We covered numerous topics, a couple of which -- bisexuality and swinging. I joked that my H likes to say that he ended up marrying a lesbian, and she laughed saying how nice it was to hear comments like that, and how almost every woman she's spoken with about these things feels basically the same way, no matter her sexual orientation. Part of me feels really liberated to admit my own attractions to both genders. And another part of me feels less liberated because there's a tilting toward acceptance of (and even desire for) woman-on-woman action, but still there's a very strong intolerance of the man-on-man kind.

My friend confided in me that she and her husband had one swinging incident, and that during the outing, the two men basically stayed away from one another. The ladies played with each other, and with the other's man, but the two guys didn't really get into it with each other. From what I understand, this is a pretty common type of exchange. And from my own experience with swinging, that too was the case. Additionally, during my highly sexual conversation with M, the same topic came up. He said that he would welcome any other women into our bed, but no other men. Okay, people have limits. Sure, I get it. But why is this limit so persistent in our culture, even within the fringe sub-culture of such a free exchange of sexual desires such as that of adultery?

Men at my job have joked around about threesomes & moresomes, and the same conclusion came up... if there were too many men, then well, that's just too much, and ultimately a turn-off. Swinger's groups have communicated the difficulty at organizing gangbangs for a woman because of, I suppose, the same apprehensions that men have about getting into a male-multitudes-situation.

This repulsion toward homo-erotic behavior confuses me and frustrates me for sure. Personally, it's so irksome because that then precludes about half of my own fantasies that involve explicit sexuality between my male partners. I read somewhere (wish I could remember the link reference) a theory about sexual fluidity being more present with women than with men. This brings about a great deal of power for women, which is one reason why (as the theory goes) women's sexuality has been oppressed historically. This sense of emancipation for women is particularly threatening for men, as it presents a type of competition they have absolutely no control over.

I'm thankful my H doesn't limit himself so. Perhaps we'll explore some MMF sometime in the future. Too bad it probably won't be with M; methinks this fantasy will forever remain in my dreams, never to become a reality.