Stepping Back? or The Prepared Adulterer's Guide

It's Sunday, and if you've read my Letter, then you may be aware that I suggested to M that we have our getaway starting today. Never heard back from him. It very well might be the case that his wife totally caught him, since apparently she's suspicious of his whereabouts when he's "out with the boys having a beer". If that's the case, then such is life. Too bad though, because I'm positive we would have been smokin' hot between the sheets.

So I've decided to step back from this one a bit. I still find our sexual chemistry on fire, but I can also sense I'm madly addicted to the adrenaline/arousal high I've been on. Almost every other resource I've found about guys following "rules" to live by, as it concerns an extramarital affair, are almost certain to contain some entry about 1) not getting too addicted, 2) not shitting where you eat, and 3) picking the right partner(s). Well, on all of these counts, I've either failed or found that my situation just doesn't apply.

1) Yeah, I got addicted -- to my constant state of arousal, to my heightened sense of pleasure day-to-day, to the ever-reappearing memories of our past sessions, to the feel of M's lips/tongue/fingers/skin/smell. 2) Obviously, I work with him. There goes that one out the window. 3) I didn't decide to be adulterous before finding the partner. It seems we found each other first, and then we both decided to do something about it. I've given this particular point some thought because I wonder if it were anyone else, would I feel the same? Would I even consider wandering? I'm not so sure that I would. In my past, I've felt attractions before, and it's been plenty easy to stave off any temptations that might have come up. I think it's because I'm one of those lucky ladies who happens to have excellent sex with her partner already. So, in order to take that risk of pursuing something outside of that, the promise of what will come must exceed that which I'm already getting. And seeing as how "unattainable" most men consider me (as in, "out of my league" + "married" to boot) very few even have the nerve to approach me, let alone hint at giving it to me better than my H. The fact that M was able to do that to me was highly attractive. And now that it appears he's the one getting cock-blocked, well, then I guess it's back to the drawing board, so to speak. Does this mean that I'll go back to being "faithful little wifey", silenced once again into conventional monogamy? Or does this mean that now that I've been tempted & proven to myself that I would indeed go for it, that my eyes are more open to any future possibilities that may arise?

Either way, I'm shaping up my current position. I don't like the constant feeling of never knowing if I'm ever going to get any from M. It makes this whole relationship feel too heavy, too important, and that's not where I want it to go. So I'm down-shifting, trying to let go of these torturous images, the never-ending fantasizing that has totally taken me over, and I'll just assume that it's not in the cards for us.