What if?
What would happen if I set out in my mind to stop cheating on my husband? No more expressions of my attraction... no more sweet-smiles-turned-sly... no more sex with B... no more heavy flirtations with M... no more touching beyond what's considered "right"... no more inviting people I have any physical attraction for to drinks after work... What would happen to me? Would I really & truly shrivel up? Or would I still basically be me, just like before all this began? Sometimes I entertain this thought, but I've never actually said I would set my mind to it. So far, I have actually gone weeks, without veering from my husband, but it was always because of consequence. In the back of my mind, I'm still always looking for a time/method to get out and play. So what if I set out with the intent of compliance?
But then, what's the use of attempting a promise that you stopped feeling in your heart? If I do it from just a "let's see if I can do this..." type of mentality? Just to see? For some strange reason, that feels like even less integrity than the wishy-washy stuff I'm into now.
By the way...
This past week I've been catching up on blog posts, but some were written earlier and posted out of order. Anyway, check it out, in case you might have missed these:
9/20 - Sociosexuality
9/20 - M Drama
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3 comments:
addictions are a hard thing to break.
that is why they are good and bad.
i prefer these addictions then....substance addictions. all though they all have grave consequences.
Gracie -- I too prefer these types of addictions. I've never been quite fond of the chemical kind... that's just too beyond my sense of control.
Infinite -- The unfortunate thing is that I have a personal "habit" of practicing something new wholeheartedly and just about after two weeks of it, it ends up tapering off to sporadic, if not non-existant. This is true with all so-called "good habits" I try to set, such as flossing, daily chores, checkbook balancing, (you get the point). For some reason, some new, exciting & fresh project ends up taking up a considerable amount of my energy & time, and then I find that these types of habits drop down on the priority list. Just another example of how easily I'm won by "the newness of things"...
I find I can resist everything except temptation.
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