Uh-Oh.

This past weekend, I had a moment. A dangerously, supremely should-be-hands-off, bad!, very bad! moment. I felt an attraction for two people (simultaneously) who happen to be my & H's good friends, (one of whom being H's colleague), and who also happen to be married to one another. She has been a good friend of mine for a couple of years now, and they collectively are our couples-friends. I felt myself doing that thing that I do when I realize my sexual attraction for someone -- become very engaged in the conversation, inch closer to the person, creating an intimate bubble through eye-contact, sometimes gently touch him/her on the arm, hand, leg...

Yes, I was doing these things to both the husband and wife at various points throughout the evening. Everything is safe though, because I can chalk it up to being drunk. But inside of me, I know something is different. So now what? This is a situation where I must and will maintain my composure around them. There's just too much at stake to mess around there. But I can dream, and fantasize, and I'm sure I will. I wonder: will I ever tell H? It's just too strange -- right now, I wouldn't. He's too uncertain as it is about how able he is to deal with me & other men. So why the hell would I want to tell him about my attraction for his colleague? I know he wouldn't care about me fantasizing about the wife, but there's no real reason for me to bring any of this up with H at all.

It's funny because in other circumstances, they would be prime candidates for a swinging couple with whom to play. In fact she and I have had a couple of conversations about their experiences swinging, and I know they'd be up to it. Plus we all get along really well and have fun together. But seeing as there are two in the foursome who are colleagues and we have been friends for so long, it might just be really strange. For now, I can be satisfied with accepting that I have a crush on both of them. And I know sure as hell that I am not going to be the one making any kind of moves on either of them -- I'd happily and willfully reciprocate if anything ever came up, but I'm definitely not initiating anything. C'est la vie.