his first response

he wrote me back. i emailed him one day after we rekindled that almost-forgotten spark we had for one another. and he wrote me back. my perceptiveness to his emotions was on point. he followed through with exactly what I had hoped for: a response with kindness, receptiveness and a healthy dose of reality. he says he's struggling to come to terms with what happened. feels his actions lacked the respect that both I and my H deserve. his own moral qualms. can I console that? do I have the capacity to calm that tension inside of him? i'm not quite sure.

i keep thinking about how intimate we were. beyond sex-as-recreation. we both opened up and shared something profound together. i've only felt that way twice out of all the lovers i've ever had. one man being my first true love, the one I lost my virginity to. the other man being my H, who i am currently married to. this presents a thorny challenge in my clean architecture of pursuing a lust and love-filled life.

my commitment to H has always been on the level of transcendent love and beauty. of all my transgressions, I've never felt any danger that i was trespassing on this territory. that is, until now.

there's something about every first kiss that I've found: it either dictates or reflects the relationship I have with that person. for every truly memorable first kiss I've had, I can see a real correlation between how much *click* and *pop* the kiss gave, and the resultant personal interactions.

the connection that Beauty Eyes and I shared in our first kiss was simply magical. now what?