new love

I just read through some of the emails that I saved from a couple years ago that H had written to me. I was brought to tears by that initial flurry of inspired love -- the kind that brought forth such divine creativity, interconnectedness and pure love. As I browsed the emails that he's sent to me since then, there's a certain lack of effluence to the later emails. In fact, the majority of those emails are purely business. Brief, to the point. Mostly forwards with no notes attached even. I understand his use of email is generally limited to business work, but having read through those earlier testaments... it makes me rather sad. I feel a loss of sorts.

Sometimes, in his deeply tired state, he asks me "why are you so sad sometimes?" I fear the answer to this question, so I've never answered it honestly. Merely brushing aside his sleepy meandering inquisitions, I allow him to fall asleep to a hushed comforting voice. Really, those types of questions should only be asked during solitary introspection. What they do reveal are insights that must be properly managed, with care and precision.

My marriage has grown immensely; our love for one another has in fact transformed, much to the better. However, I do miss those early days of new love...