an update

Fascinating how things work... I catch myself from falling into a pit of desperate, unrequited, impossible love (or infatuation, whatever label you want), I rip myself from the agony of longing, pine poetically from a distance, and snap myself back to reality. Only, what new reality awaits? Another retinue of men making my life so very interesting. Translation: somehow I've managed to give BeautyEyes some room, giving my own distraught self some comfort space, and as I take in a deep breath of purifying distance, I slowly look around and realize that I'm once again surrounded by fun-loving, handsome men and boy-toys. Everyday I'm greeted at work by one of these super-fun guys who happens to have a tight little body that I so enjoy ogling, and bright bright bright blue eyes that are great at making direct eye-contact with. I mentioned him briefly here, and now that I've mentioned him again, I may as well give him a nickname too. Let's call him The Brit. Not only is he stunningly arrogant (a real turn-on, when done just right), but I swear his eyes say one thing when his lips speak another. On certain individuals this type of behavior can be quite foolish and ostensibly plastic. However, some know how to communicate on multiple levels, and in fact it becomes rather endearing. I like working with The Brit, and I often fantasize about various positions with him. Usually it's me pinned up against the wall and he's madly sucking at my tits, or fucking me with a major sense of pent-up sexual aggression. This is why I love work these days...

My fun Buddy recently called, and it's been nice thinking about him again. I really like him as a friend, and I was thinking back on those days way back before I even was married. My friendship history with B goes so far back and we've always been such comfortable friends, that the sex between us is simply natural. There's no complication of falling in love, since our friendship has already determined what type of emotional connection we enjoy. It's been many many months since I've seen him, but I'd like to get together with him again, really to just hang out. Since it's been so long, I also wonder if the spark is still there... we'll find out about that whenever we see each other again. For us, time is really on our side.

After a long bout of silence between me and BeautyEyes, probably due to both of us sensing a bit of trepidation due to the strong chance of falling for one another, we are text messaging again. I'd be very happy to establish a comfortable type of friendship with him that I have with B, with the benefit of sexual tension of course, but I'm really not sure if that's even possible. With some people, you just can't restrain that intense passion and so it may have to be one of those hot hot hot or cold cold cold types of relationships. And the cold might hurt when it's happening, but the hot just might be totally worth it.

Also, in a couple of weeks, I shall be enjoying the presence of a very good friend -- a gentleman I haven't seen in about five years, but has remained an email buddy since college. He also happens to be a kindred spirit, who I feel I will know for the entirety of my lifetime. That fills me with a deep, deep joy.

Bonus: after two years now, employed in a highly male-dominated field, I've finally managed to make coworker-friends with whom I enjoy hanging out and with whom there is absolutely zero danger of having a fling with. I finally learned something -- if I want to maintain any kind of lasting friendship, I simply can not be sexually attracted to him. Then I don't have to worry about making googly-eyes or unwittingly (or wittingly) entrapping the poor bastard into kissing me and touching me, all in the process of cheating on his wife. Result: I actually have friends who are guys again. It's been a very long time since that has happened. Ever since I got married, all men-friends ceased contact with me like I'm a leper. Does that prove that all my guy friends just really hung around because they thought there was some remote possibility of getting involved with me? Or is it something more territorial? It's all a huge mystery to me.