Yesterday was filled with suffering for both my husband and myself. I'm not prepared to get into the details of it all quite yet, but I'll say that everything is tossed in the air. We both cried all night long. He has removed his wedding ring. He has told me to do the same. I can't bear to. I told him that I want an open marriage; what that means, I have no fucking clue. I told him briefly about YoungMan. He's hurting, scared, not angry. He tells me he could never be angry because of course he understands. But his hurt is my hurt. He said to me "you're free." Never did I think those words could mean so much and hurt so much at the same time. He wants to understand what arrangements we'd have. I tell him I don't know. Arrangements. Where do we go from here? I don't know.
For now, here is an article by a woman whom, if I didn't know any better, was actually me telling the tale of my fantasy marriage:Portrait of an Open Marriage.
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7 comments:
wow, this is really tough. I can say that I wouldn't know how to deal with it. On the positive side at least everything is on the table, no more lies, no more secrets. On the other hand it seems like he didn't feel good about it.
He didn't storm out and left so that could be a positive sign. His reaction could've been that, just leave you. He didn't do that so that clearly shows that he loves you. Now that everything is out there it is time for you to be clear and honest. You need to know what you want adn tell him that. At the end you cannot expect him to stay and accept the open marriage idea, but there's hope that he will. He is hurt now and if I was him I would rather know very clearly what is it that you want. Like any other important decision in life, you need to have all the information in order to know what to do and which road to take.
Take this as an opportunity to be open about your needs and wants, I have a feeling that your love is stron genough to overcome this. I wish you the best!
Talk, talk, talk . . . and then talk some more. You each need to try to understand where the other person is, and to try to keep moving positively, toward a better life for you both. If that means talking to a therapist as well, then so be it, but don't let things just bounce around with uncertainty, hurt and fear. Be sure he knows how much you love him, but make sure he also understands what else you need.
We're all holding our breath (breaths? whatever, lol) for you both.
XO
I'm sorry for your suffering, but if I'm honest I have to say that I've refrained from commenting because there has been an inevitability about this...
I hope things can be resolved in the way that's best for both of you.
I'm sorry you're experiencing my nightmare.
This is one of those points in life where it could go anyway. I wish you all the luck in the choices you both make.
Wow. What a horrid and scary nightmare. I don't even want to think about facing the consequences head on and here you are, doing an excellent job of doing what you need to do.
Hang in there, I'm pulling for you and I hope only the best comes your way.
Oh my! Reading the next entry now...scary!
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