So I now realize that indeed, my eyes are more open to the wonderful possibilities outside of my marriage with H. (see link in question) I don't think this necessarily means that I'll jump at every single opportunity to fuck every guy who so much as glances in my direction. Afterall, it does take a lot of forethought, self-control and energy to pull something like this off successfully. And my guess is that there is a rather limited pool of suitors who are willing to follow through with the types of restrictions that are necessary in this type of "game". Boy, it must be bad enough that guys have a hard time playing the usual dating game, seeing as how women already have all the power of rejection tucked away in every crevass of their garments. And then this... well, this is chess on crack, compared to checkers of the singles world.
No, I think rather -- I have now allowed myself the liberty to engage people in such a way that impossibilities are no longer concrete. I have opened myself to the infinite paths this universe can travel, and that is what is so fulfilling. No longer must I stop short, ending my sentences that so naturally want to stream out of me. Now I can develop a myriad of relationships -- and let them freely form their own natural rhythm, whereever our wills should lead. No longer will I prevent an expression of love from flowing forth. Be it with friends, lovers, family.
It is possible, and wonderful, and benevolent to allow oneself the freedom to unconditionally Give, not just to one person, but to any person to whom I feel compelled to offer myself. And in whichever manner appropriate.
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4 comments:
Quite the revelation. A major milestone for you! Potentially earth-shattering. All I can say is, "check, but not checkmate... yet." Now, pass the pipe.
The thing about Reckless Abandon is that when you're under its grip, you're easily willing to trade a Queen for a Queen, because you really have nothing to lose. So let's see what you can do with just a knight and three pawns on the table.
The kind of dare I admire. With a versatile knight and three trusted pawns in my arsenal, despite limited options, I remain clearly in the game. And, I'm certainly not about to throw in the towel when I've come this far with someone with your obvious and prodigious talents, experience, and acumen. Reckless Abandon has gotten me to the uncharted waters where I now find myself, and I am counting on it to help me pull off a sweet miracle.
Athough not completely fitting, this post reminded me of one of my favorite lines from Heinlien:
"The more you love, the more you can love -- and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just."
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