Beautiful Spirits

There are some people that you meet and spend time with who set off a gong inside your soul, and it's as if your world is suddenly turned upside-down, inside-out, and twisted this way and that. They take inspiration from you and you from them. They emanate warmth and light and you feel privileged just to know them, just to bask in their sunshine. In my life, there have been a handful of people like this, and I am joyous to announce that I have discovered another of these Beautiful Spirits in BeautyEyes.

I have just returned from my weekend in his city and it was the most remarkable two and a half days I have spent straight with someone other than my H. Spending all that time together -- all evening friday, sleeping in the same bed together that evening, all day saturday, sleeping in bed together that evening, and most of sunday, traveling on a train together. That much intimate time with someone and you get to see shades and hues of a personality that generally lay under the radar in everyday proper behavior. And having spent that much time together, I feel closer to him than I could ever have imagined. BeautyEyes is every much the beautiful spirit I believed him to be instinctually, and surprisingly more than what I had expected. He shared so much of himself with me, and I could see, could feel that he opened his heart wide open to me, let me in, and we danced together in each others open spaces.

Our interactions moved seamlessly through time, through space, and through various types of relational roles. Friend, confidante, lover... we were so free with one another and in that freedom, discovered a boundless beauty in the fluidity of our friendship. I felt a kinship between us that flowered overnight.

Our bodies mingled together as though they knew each other once before, in a distant lifetime, and our flesh played out a symphony, harmonizing in celebration of rediscovery. I couldn't help but feel as though there was no other place to be other than with him at every moment we spent together. I'm remembering that feeling I had sensed initially -- that the connection that BeautyEyes and I share demands a sense of romance and true friendship, that to continue along this path invokes a flag of danger in the possibility of creating something beyond a simple sexual affair. I'm remembering how I came to the understanding that any advance in our interactions would develop into something quite remarkable, and in fact, something rather threatening. And when I see in his eyes the very same comprehension, I know that we have already introduced that element, and have no other choice but to simply move on from here.

I felt a deep sadness upon our departure today. We connected in such a profound way that the abruptness of our goodbyes stood as a chasm in space and time that seemed artificial. Perhaps in another universe, I stayed there, moved there, and we lived a life, creating bounty together. And it's as though our time spent together these few days acted as a wormhole by which these universes crossed, commingling two lifetimes that just can not exist simultaneously. I don't know what will happen from here. I do know that these past few months of sporadic conversation with BeautyEyes has been like standing at an open door that for so long was closed in a dark alley, largely unnoticed. And standing there these past few months, looking through that open door, I could only use my instincts, and my limited senses to determine what lay ahead. Now, after this experience, it's as though I have stepped over the threshold and still can not see beyond my limited senses. It is bright, white light that blinds me. It is the light of his Beautiful Spirit.